Before the first tear of joy , escapes a mother’s eye , as she holds her new born close, transpires an emotion that is unseen , unfelt yet powerful and real –‘ FORGIVENESS’ .
To embrace her new creation wholeheartedly , every mother ,knowingly or unknowingly ‘ forgives’ her little one for all the discomfort and misery of those precious nine months and the agonizing few hours , thus paving the way for two new emotions – ‘ECSTASY’ and PRIDE’ …YET , most times ,this ‘FORBEARANCE‘ goes unnoticed…undiscovered even by the mother herself…
Are you the kind of person who holds grudges…?? Has some one hurt you so bad , that you vow never to forgive them ,ever again..?? Has a friend broken a promise ,he/she once made to you..? or is it simply a jealous friend??.. ………….
The questions are many but the solution is one …- FORGIVE.
No , I am not an angel from heavan , who just crash landed on earth. Nor am I some hermit from the Himalayas..!!! and no ,I am not a lunatic…..I am just about as sane as any of you reading this ; a normal human being susceptible to all the normal human emotions….although there is something that might make me a little ‘weird’ in this unforgiving world..I AM LEARNING TO FORGIVE...( mind you…only forgive !!! not forget…!! )
My little sister has often pulled my leg for this..Whenever ,we talk about somebody ( oh well..!!!.okk…gossip…if that’s what you want to hear..;) ) having said or done something harsh or impolite , she goes ballistic. She has always been a little vindictive , and finds it very difficult to forgive somebody who has been unfair to her …especially if that someone was a close friend…
My principle in life has been a little different. I am no saint…I have my moments of emotional outbursts ( my husband will be able to enlighten you better on that aspect !!! )….Whenever I am angry , I need to vent out…But once that’s done..I realize I have nothing against anyone…no bitterness…no hard feelings….
I am not someone who can sulk to herself or bear a grudge for years together…But I have seen people who do that ,ruining their own happiness and that of others.
These days I have come up with a new tactic …Whenever I feel frustrated and unable to forgive or forget ( which is rather unusual for me…!!! ) , I lock myself up in my room and talk to myself ,I shout ,I scream….I cry …I complain…I say out every problem I have with someone , or something …..out aloud..(wait…..I am not crazy..try it out..and you will know !!! )
AFTER A FEW MINUTES ,I SEE THE MIRACLE UNFOLD….POOF !!!!… I FEEL LIGHTER…NOT ANGRY..NOT FRUSTRATED , RATHER HAPPY…REJUVENATED !!!
For those of you who are into writing , even that helps….On a day you feel weighed down by your own pent up emotions….write them down in a diary….everything you feel….every little ounce of ANGER , RESENTMENT ,JEALOUSY…everything…and see how much lighter you feel at the end of the day….
FORGIVENESS , makes you a healthier person ,reduces your stress levels and enhances your concentration levels…It brings you inner peace and calms you down.
Some people would like to argue with me and tell me , it isn’t that easy …And I admit it isn’t…But once you learn to do it…Life is so much more beautiful and worth living. If you honestly want to FORGIVE , you would like to keep these points in mind :
- FORGIVENESS IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS...rather it needs a lot of mental strength to forgive.
- STOP DWELLING ON THE PAST HURTS .Forgiveness cannot happen if you keep replaying the past actions of somebody in your mind.If you truly want to forgive ,you need to move on …Distract yourself with new hobbies ,situations and people..Time is the greatest healer….When the past is no more painful ,it is easier to forgive.
- MAKE NEW FRIENDS . Learn to differentiate between true friends and fake ones. This will help you to overcome your grief and not experience a similar situation again 🙂
- FORGIVE BUT BE WARY …Forgiving someone doesn’t give him/her the license to take your for granted. Some people may misconstrue your ability to forgive, as a hint ,that you can’t do without them in your life. Set your boundaries and make it clear that you won’t be taken for a ride again !!!
- FORGIVENESS IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH ‘ TRUSTING AGAIN’ .Just because you forgive some one , doesn’t mean you trust him anymore. Breaking a trust is a sign of unfaithfulness….If that person feels genuinely sorry , he/she will make efforts to gain back that trust…let them do it…Trust only when you are prepared to…
- YOU FORGIVE ,FOR YOURSELF ,NOT FOR OTHERS. Forgiving de-stresses you and de-clutters your mind. So while forgiving a person ,never make it seem like you are doing a favour ,to that person !! YOU ARE DOING’ A FAVOUR’ TO YOURSELF…!
- NEVER LET YOUR EGO BE AN OBSTACLE IN YOUR PATH TO FORGIVENESS…
- LEARN TO SAY ‘SORRY’ BEFORE YOU LEARN TO FORGIVE …If you learn to apologize for your mistakes…it means you are ready to put your ego aside , to resolve conflicts. This will in turn help you in your journey to FORGIVENESS….
We all are humans…capable of mistakes . In fact it is this very imperfection that makes us so ‘SPECIAL’…We all have , knowingly or unknowing hurt someone ,at some point in our lives…So when we forgive somebody , who hurt us , it is like offering a million apologies to all those , whom we’ve hurt , in one way or another… LEARN TO FORGIVE…AND SEE HOW MUCH BETTER LIFE GETS FOR YOU AND FOR THOSE AROUND YOU…!!!
YOU HAVE THE POWER….EXERCISE IT !!!