The Sweet, Sour & Spicy army wives

                                                                            
                                                                    They are cool, they are classy

                                                                    They are smart, they are sassy

                                                                       They are friendly and fun

                                                                They are bold & beautiful women

Army wives are a class apart- the backbone of their family, a source of inspiration for friends, and motivational factor for the nation as a whole.

 Once you are wedded to the olive green, you earn yourself a new extended family. And just like any other family this one also has all kinds of people, with vivid, unique and sometimes unbearable attributes. Being an army wife our encounters are almost often with other army wives, some of whom you remember your entire lives for the love and warmth they shower on you, right from your early ‘bride’ days, while there are others you never forget for completely different reasons….

 

 Here is a list of the different ‘kinds’ of army wives one may bump into during the husband’s service years (you are free to add to this list in the commentbox !). :

  1. Mrs ‘Know-it-all’: This particular kind is generally found hovering around the young  army wives, mostly newlywed, flaunting their military vocabulary and providing their (unwarranted!) expert advice with regard to army etiquettes and customs. The jumpy young brides keenly take notes only to be educated later by their better halves that their ‘supposed’ mentor was a ‘newlywed’ herself, her liaison with the army not being older than six months!

  1. Fairy Godmother: You have to set up your first kitchen, host your first housewarming party or perhaps make a choice of dress for the mess dinner tonight;  Distraught, you have begun to fathom the end of the universe when, lo and behold, an angel walks in. She helps you solve your problems- be it shopping for the right utensils, getting your menu ready or dressing right for a mess party. This particular species of women seem to possess an inbuilt mechanism to sense a crisis (call it the sixth sense or telepathy!) making themselves available at all times of dire need. Generous by nature, they make your problems appear trivial or better still, evaporate with a swish of their wand (actually, with their brilliant presence of mind!). They come in all ages, though their numbers are dwindling owing to the increasing concept of personal space and self centeredness.

  1. The ‘green eyed’ girl: This variety of women is found in abundance everywhere on earth so why should the army shy away! It is not very hard to identify this particular species of army wife if you happen to meet one. Most of them are found scrutinizing their counterparts, noticeably beset with envy. But more often than not, this variety is averse to giving compliments .When this ‘kind’ is at a friend’s place for dinner they inspect the entire house with a keen, albeit, malicious eye and are visibly uneasy  when they notice the sumptuous menu at display.

So do not be surprised at the uncanny resemblance their home decor shares with yours or at similar choices in footwear or clothing (what coincidence!), instead take it as a compliment. 😉

  1. The Grumbling granny: There is no dearth of this breed in the army family. These ladies are easily recognised as belonging to this ‘kind’, by their characteristic puckered brow or a grimace. Whether it is the oily food at a social gathering, an ungracious host, a maid who never comes, the husband’s erratic schedule or an unfriendly workplace; this category of army wives has the weird ability to make a mountain out of a molehill. Needless to say, they are unhappy people who fret and fume about anything and everything in life, spreading their aura of negativity wherever they go.

So if you are the type of person who prefers to stay positive and satisfied with what life offers you, beware of the Grumbling granny!

5.The Master Chef: The liberal army rations enable one to experiment with a lot of ingredients and hence, most ladies in the army are good with baking and cookery in general (exceptions are always there!). The frequent parties, both at home and outside along with travel to far off places, help the ladies in the army to hone their culinary skills to perfection. But even among these reasonably good cooks, is present a superior breed of exceptional chefs, with extraordinary skills in preparing gastronomic delights that can give even a Michelin star Chef a run for his money. It is always a pleasure to meet such women and learn from them!

  1. The Gossip Queen: This species is not indigenous to the army, yet it has found its way into every nook and cranny of this noble institution. It is difficult not to stumble upon at least one of this kind in every peace station. The women belonging to this category of army wives are seldom interested in their own lives and usually spend their ‘not so precious’ time in discussing the private lives of other people. Their faces beam with excitement at the prospect of a scandal and their tongues never tire of peddling rumours. Although they have the knack to spice up an otherwise drab conversation, their petty talk and gossip mongering is best avoided. This breed of army wives are the most dangerous of them all as they enjoy the power to ruin lives and destroy relationships.

So my advice would be not to feed their greedy minds or indulge in any unfruitful dialogues with the likes of these.

  1. Mrs Artsy: Hand them a brush and a few bottles of paint and watch them transform a plain, boring wall into a masterpiece, a simple chiffon sari into a beautiful, trendy one or an old cushion cover into a gorgeous work of art! Meet Mrs Artsy with magic fingers that have the Midas touch. Their homes speak volumes about their artistic talent and they are an asset to the ‘ladies club’!

  1. The Buttering beauty: Never mind how you look, what you wear or how bad your food is, when the Buttering beauty is here. This category of people are extremely gifted with the power to fake a ‘wow!’ or an ‘aw’, following them with flattering statements about the way you dress, cook or speak, without an ounce of truth to it. You shall come across these Buttering beauties more frequently as your husband climbs up the hierarchy and you become what is referred to in army parlance as a ‘Senior lady’ !

           You may graciously accept the compliments that come your way, but with a pinch of salt. Genuine compliments motivate but false flattery misleads one into believing things about one self that are           not  true, creating a false ‘self image’. Learn to differentiate between actual fans and buttering beauties!

 

  1. Mrs Green Fingers: A tiny patch of land outside the ground floor apartment or a small area in the terrace of their first floor home, space is never a constraint for Mrs Green fingers. She can work her magic anywhere, planting fresh herbs, vegetables and vibrant flowers that make even the dullest of places throb with freshness and beauty. A tiny kitchen garden, a garden patch or simple pots in the balcony, their enchanting fingers attract flora even the arid deserts of Rajasthan. Nurturing plants and taking care of them is an art in itself so kudos to these nature lovers for their invaluable contribution to the ecosystem!

  10.   The ‘Gazillion tasker’ : Though most wives in the army are good at  juggling two or more responsibilities     together, either by choice or by sheer lack of it, there is one particular breed of Army wives that are extraordinary in the way they handle the different priorities of life with unmatched flair . Such women never cease to amaze me  as they go about their varied jobs, multitasking between their responsibilities as a wife , a mother, an entrepreneur, an artist and a zillion other activities with elan . Their energy serves as a true inspiration to a lot of women who strive to emulate them, albeit, not so successfully!

 Apart from the above mentioned categories there are a few others too….like…. the ones that open up a blog and imagine they have become a writer! 😉

 

So which ‘kind’ are you?

    

 

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Words…….

Words soft and melodious

 can mend a broken heart

Words crisp yet coarse

can push one to a great  start

Words honeyed and saccharine

 can trap a gentle soul

words maleficent and mean

can distract one from the goal

Words indignant and fiery

can  terrify one into submission

words laced  with  bitter  sarcasm

 can quell one’s motivation

Words  have a might

They are nobody’s toy

For they own  the right

to ‘create’ or ‘destroy’ !

 

Some people are like spiders……..

A black and yellow garden spider
A black and yellow garden spider….

Some people are like spiders

spinning webs , of malice and deceit

Sweet talkers , gossip mongers, flatterers

waiting to ensnare and eager to cheat …

Some people are like spiders

Injecting their prey with slow , sweet ,poison

And lying in wait like crouching tigers

unabashed traitors , ready for  treason

So beware !

THE ART OF ‘COMPLIMENTING ‘ !

Who doesn’t love a word of praise or a genuine gesture of appreciation…? I am sure ,we all do…Even those , who may argue otherwise , will somewhere deep inside , have a hidden desire to be complimented !

As human beings we thrive on compliments . Whether it is the way we look on a certain day , a household chore we just finished or a project we completed at work. Everyone loves a good word about their achievement , no matter how trivial it may seem to the other.

But just as much we love to get compliments , we become a little miserly when it comes to giving them. 

This applies to men and women alike. Though it is always the ‘women’ , who are  somehow considered  , by the entire world to be  more spiteful and jealous creatures , compared to their male counterparts.

I am a woman myself , and have encountered these ‘ difficulties in complimenting‘ myself. I remember an incident many years ago , while my husband was posted in Nepal . We were at dinner party ,being hosted outside in the garden. It was the peak of winters , and no matter how much we wanted to throw away our warm shawls , that were obstructing the view of our beautiful sarees , ( which , by the way were draped with great precision , after spending about an hour in front of the looking glass ! ) , we could not do so , due to the unbearable chill of the winter evening . In the battle between , the mind ( to look gorgeous ) and the body (to stay warm ) , the latter ,unfortunately won…. Just as all of us had reconciled to the cold , and decided to wrap ourselves , (to look like Egyptian mummies ! ) ,she entered….

She was the wife of another officer , who had got a little delayed. As she made her way past the crowd , I could see all heads turn to look back at this stunning beauty . When she reached our group of ladies ,all huddled around the fire , for warmth , we were left speechless……

Even as a woman , I found it difficult to take my eyes off her….I didn’t want to think about the menI was about to express , my admiration in words ,when my womanly vanity ,stopped me and I refrained.

After about 5 minutes , of a silent argument with my own ego , I won. I walked up to her , and said  ‘Oh dear…you look stunning tonight...!’

And then , as an afterthought added , But I think you could use a shawl…..It is very cold today ! ( well , whether the latter comment was out of genuine concern or something else……is for you to figure ! )

Today, things are a little different. I no longer find it so difficult to compliment someone , if I genuinely appreciate their dress , food ,work  etc

Learning to appreciate others , and laud their achievements , is I think a sign of maturity and a big step towards personal growth.

When you realize that a kind word from you can make someone’s day and motivate them to do better , It is easier to compliment.

But complimenting and flattery are two different things. In today’s world of social networking and selfies , It becomes a little difficult , to  separate the good ,from the bad and the genuine , from the fake..So much so that , I tend to take every compliment I receive , with a pinch of salt. 

To compliment is not synonymous with ‘flattery’ in any way. A compliment is a genuine ,well meaning ,word of praise , given in recognition of someone’s efforts . Whereas flattery , is ill meant , and fake , done solely for the person’s own selfish gain .

Complimenting , like charity ,begins at home . It doesn’t need too much of an effort , just a little of your time …

If you are confident of your worth , and have no insecurities , complimenting will come easy to you . By appreciating or admiring someone , you are in no way belittling yourself ..In fact ,  you are  only proving to yourself and others that , you are happy with your life , the way you look , the things you do , so much so that ,you are willing to spread that happiness by making others realize their worth .

I cannot describe in words ,the sense of satisfaction one gets ,when you know that your words have served to build somebody’s self esteem and encouraged them to improve their life further !

Here are a few tips , you would want to follow…:)

  • NEVER JUDGE ANOTHER PERSON BEFORE YOU KNOW THEM TOO WELL
  • DON’T LOOK TO CRITICIZE , BE MORE POSITIVE IN YOU APPROACH TO OTHERS
  • HIGHLIGHT THE POSITIVES OF A PERSON AND ADVISE THEM ON THEIR WEAKNESSES LATER

  • WHEN YOU FEEL GENUINE APPRECIATION FOR A PERSON , SAY IT IMMEDIATELY . DON’T WAIT !
  • ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT , BY COMPLIMENTING SOMEONE , YOUR WORTH DOESN’T DECREASE…
  • DON’T BE FAKE . IT WILL NOT HELP THE OTHER PERSON GROW IN ANYWAY !
  • IF SOMEONE DOES WELL IN YOUR AREA OF EXPERTISE , COMPLIMENT AND GUIDE THEM . SOMETIMES , WE CAN LEARN A LOT FROM AMATEURS TOO
  • LIFE IS LEARNING. 
  • LIFE IS SHORT. PRAISE WHEN YOU HAVE TO , YOU MAY NOT GET A SECOND CHANCE.
  • WHILE COMPLIMENTING ,TRY TO BE MORE SPECIFIC RATHER THAN GENERAL. AN HONEST FEEDBACK HELPS TO GROW !

So the next time , somebody does something good or turns up well for an event , don’t forget to compliment..! For you never know , how much they may value your appreciation , and it maybe all that they have ! …………

‘I will be generous with my love today.

I will sprinkle compliments

and uplifting words where ever I go.

I will do this knowing that my words

are like seeds , and when they fall on fertile soil

a reflection of those seeds will grow into something greater’

Dr Steve Maraboli