I may not always tell
but decipher the language of my silence
I may not always cry
but sense the anguish of my soul
I may not always ask
but read the questions in my mind
I may not always smile
but sense the cheer in my voice
I may not always sing
but hear the song in my heart
I may not always express
but discern the love in my eyes
The ultimate test of
Relationships , some rise , some fall
Unmasking those who deceive ;
Still the heart yearns to believe ,
To forget the pain and trust to receive…..
‘When you become a mother yourself , you will realize !’ …Oh well , isn’t this a cliché all of us , girls have grown up listening to ?
I always saw it as an exaggerated usage of an over emotional mother , who doesn’t find any other way to support her arguments and uses this as her last resort , the ‘mother’ bomb ! ( I always felt motherhood was so overrated back then ! )
But now , I am not so sure …. Today as a mother to an almost four year old daughter , I find myself repeating a lot of my mom’s statements (much to my own embarrassment !).
Here are a few points I would have perhaps covered in my defense against my mother’s over protective demeanor , when I was a teenager :
1. Mom , I am not cold and I don’t need that scarf to spoil my hair style !
2. I am big enough to go out on my own.
3. I am not raising my voice .. I am only conveying my point.
4. I will decide what shoes go with my dress…and anyway your fashion sense doesn’t agree with mine !
5. I am not hungry right now so please stop coaxing me to eat.
6. I will cross the road carefully , you don’t have to say it all the time !
7. Stop holding me by hand in public , I can walk on my own so stop embarrassing me !
8. I will prepare well for my exams so please don’t nag me ..
9. Yes…I am a little late , but it is still not dark .
10.Mom I am going out to a birthday party , and I will ‘not’ talk to strangers !
Today when I remember those things I argued about , I no longer understand them… Perhaps I am ageing …or perhaps because I am mom now !
Today , when I don’t see my little girl around the house , my heart skips a beat . If her school van is a little late , my mind starts racing and imagining the worst . When I take her out , excited to dress her up the way I want , she tells me ‘Ma…I don’t want to wear this dress‘ and brings me the one she wants to wear …
Sometimes , when she refuses to listen to me , warm tears fill my eyes…… and I realize the turn of the tide……the reversal of roles…….
Here are the answers I am prepared to give my daughter , if she brings out the list , I once prepared myself ,as a teenager….:
1. Little darling , your hairstyle can be fixed again , but I can’t risk the same with your health .
2. No matter how big you ‘become’, or how many grand children you go on to have , you shall always be my little toddler , and I will always feel protective about you……
3. If I am not raising my voice with you , so shouldn’t you….We shall talk , not argue…
4. Oh yes , you have a great fashion sense , but so did I when I was your age …
5. I know you are not hungry but am sure you will be , in sometime . I am just being selfish , because it hurts me to imagine you hungry !
6. I know you will cross the road carefully , but it satisfies me to advise you , time and again. So just bear with me !
7. I know you are a grown up girl now and don’t need my hand…but I need you to hold mine , just to feel secure …
8. Yes , you do prepare your lessons on your own but asking you to do so repeatedly makes me feel I am a responsible mother , interested in your affairs .
9. It is alright to be late but do let me know about your whereabouts so that I don’t keep worrying about your safety .
10 Oh , you can talk to strangers if you want , but keep the phone with you all the time . So that I feel I am close to you …
Well….I guess that’s life …What goes around ,comes around …….
The following work of flash fiction is in collaboration with my fellow blogger Jithin of Pho Trablogger .The picture that you see above ,is his creative photography which inspired this piece of fiction writing . Please click HERE and provide your valuable feedback on this picture. Also you can check out his blog for more wonderful pictures and travel related posts….I am sure you will enjoy them …
I have written the PART 3 OF this flash fiction , here are the links to the first two parts for you to read before your read my part of the story 😉
Now here is the PART 3 , written by me … READ ON :
James was exhausted , after the events of the day , yet sleep eluded him . He tried to force his eyes shut , but his thoughts once again returned to Tracy ,their baby ,the job……. A drop of tear escaped from one corner of his eye . He could feel Tracy’s warm body huddled against his own .
Then , all of sudden , his pent up emotions gave away . His muffled sobs , soon woke Tracy up and she turned to him . ‘Jimmy …what happened..?’ , she asked , turning on the bedroom lamp.
As they both sat upright on the bed , James hugged Tracy tight and wept like a woman . ‘I am sorry Tracy…I wanted to keep you happy…I know you are not….’ , he mumbled , in his shaky voice . ‘Jimmy look at me…’ she said , pointing towards her baby bump , ‘You think you have seen me any happier than this ?’ , ‘Jimmy you are the best thing that ever happened to me ,and so is this baby. I couldn’t ask for any more happiness !’ , she said , assertively , a drop of tear , glistening like pearl in one corner of her eye..
James was quiet now… he held out Tracy’s hand in his , and kissed it..
The next morning , after breakfast , Tracy walked up to James , who was staring outside the window of their humble dwelling , and placed something in his palms . It was the ring . James felt a piercing pain in his heart , as if someone had stabbed him with a knife ,and he shouted in the same vain , ‘Tracy…I told you … Are you trying to humiliate me ..?’
Tracy was taken aback by James anger , and stared at him , her large brown eyes , welled with tears , shimmered in the sunlight . ‘I..’ she began..’James , I did not …you know how important this job is… And you can always buy it back for me..or maybe something even more beautiful..’ , she said , trying to look cheerful .
Her last sentence seemed to offer some consolation to James and the warmth in her voice melted away his anger. . He smiled and bent down to kiss her . Just then , there was a knock on the door.
By the time James dragged his feet to the door and opened it , the mail man was gone , but there was an envelope lying at his feet . Puzzled , he picked it up . Then closing the door behind him , he walked back into the living room where he had left Tracy standing .
Tracy hurried to his side and enquired about the envelope. ‘I don’t know…’ James looked as confused as she was herself. As he slit open the envelope , his eyes grew wide in surprise , and Tracy gave out a loud shriek of excitement, at what she saw inside . It was a check , in his name…
James couldn’t control his happiness , yet he was inquisitive at the same time…’Who was this well wisher ..?’ he wondered . Just then Tracy pointed to the floor and exclaimed , ‘Look..there is a letter !’
James looked in the direction to which her finger was pointing… There lying on the floor was a small piece of paper with some writing on it… ‘I must have dropped it , while removing the check from the envelope.’ , thought James to himself , as he picked up the note and started reading the contents..
Dear James ,
You cannot gauge my happiness ever since I learnt that Tracy was in the family way . I am so happy for you and Tracy and so eager to meet the new member of your family . I remember you telling me yesterday that you have a job offer from that firm in the East . I can not began to imagine the kind of responsibilities you need to take upon yourself , in the coming future . And I know you are capable of doing so yourself. You have proved to be a loving husband to Tracy and I know you will be a doting father to the little one too… But , having been your best man ,it is my right to make you this gift , as a token of our friendship, and also as a small reciprocation for all the times you have got me out of trouble ! Hope you will accept it in the same spirit…
Love and warm regards